The Perfect Woman
by TheChemistJorax
Summary: All at once, realization struck Miranda like a bolt of lightning, and the unforeseen transformed into the inevitable.
1. Chapter 1

"You two gonna be okay?"

Jack didn't answer as she pushed passed her commander's outstretched arm and into the mess hall. Embarrassed at being caught in such a petty argument, Miranda quickly returned to her desk. She had been feeling off all morning, and the last thing she needed was for half the crew to witness her in a moment of immaturity. They hardly showed her any respect as it was, what with the almighty Shepard wining over their hearts and minds in an instant.

These days it seemed she had become nothing more than a nuisance. The emotionless puppet of the Illusive Man, constantly breaking up the fun and reminding everyone to focus on what was likely to be their final mission.

**_Hey everybody, don't forget about your impending doom._**

"It's a good thing you can by when you did," She finally offered when she didn't hear the commander leave. "As long as she does her job, we'll be fine. Thanks, Shepard."

Miranda refused to look up from her computer as she spoke. There hardly seemed to be a moment where Shepard and her weren't butting heads, and before yet another argument cropped up she wanted to get the woman out of her cabin as quickly as possible.

It wasn't as though she couldn't handle another conflict; it was just that there was always something odd about confronting the Normandy's captain. Afterwards, Miranda always felt ashamed, almost like a traitor.

There was an incredible sense of loyalty to Shepard on this vessel. Hell, even the shackled AI seemed to have developed a rapport with the woman. There was no figuring out how for Miranda, but the commander simply had the innate ability to draw anyone in, even the Cerberus operative herself.

**_Though I'll never admit it._**

With everyone on the ship as her best buddy, Shepard always won her and Miranda's frequent squabbles in the crew's eyes. Though Miranda was more annoyed by Shepard's blatant disrespect for her opinions, the consequences of this were quite isolating. It appeared as though only Jacob could stomach her presence, and then more out of obligatory Cerberus comradery than anything else.

Well Jacob, and Shepard.

In fact, Miranda had the sneaking suspicion that perhaps she was the last member of Shepard's crew to remain, at least outwardly, unaffected by attempts at friendship. The Commander frequently made stops by her room to talk, even though they continually ended their conversations with heated words and stony glares. The two women never outright yelled at one another, they were much too civilized for that.

**_And that's how I'm going to keep it._**

"What the hell was that, Lawson?"

**_Or maybe not._**

Still refusing to look up from the terminal in front of her, Miranda responded evenly, "I'm not sure what you mean, Commander."

Shepard moved in front of her desk and leaned towards her XO with a fiery look in her eyes, forcing Miranda to meet her gaze. It wasn't the same glare the woman was used to facing down however. There wasn't that burning resolve to win the debate with the underlying glimmer of excitement at the prospect of worthy competition. There was something else this time, something Miranda wasn't used to seeing in Shepard.

**_Rage?_**

**_No._**

**_Annoyance?_**

**_No._**

**_Sorrow._**

**_ Frustration._**

**_Disappointment._**

"You really don't know?" Shepard whispered.

Miranda tilted her head to the side quizzically, but said nothing.

Shepard sighed then, and Miranda was amazed by how tired she looked in that moment. There was none of the childish joviality she was so used to seeing from the Commander, only the vacant neutral look of the truly exhausted.

"I settled that diplomatically because we all need to be able to work together until we can see this through, but god, Lawson, why would you even say something like that?" She shook her head, "That's so unlike you."

**_Unlike me? Me? The Cerberus cheerleader?_**

Miranda , though incredibly confused, put on her usual collected front. As always, the Commander was being her emotionally charged, incoherent self, and she would be lying if she said she didn't enjoy coming off as the composed one in these instances.

"Shepard, Jack barged into my room and demanded I apologize for something I was never a part of. I wasn't going to-"

Shepard held up her hand, "I don't care about that. Why did you say that those experiments weren't wrong? Why did you defend them?"

Miranda's stomach plummeted. There was such disappointment in Shepard's voice. Why was it affecting her so strongly? Oh god, how she wished Shepard would just get angry. Yelling she could deal with, screaming she could take. But this quiet regret on her behalf? It was maddening.

"The people who did those things weren't sanctioned by Cerberus to-"

"I don't give a shit about what Cerberus sanctioned, Miranda. I want to know about you. The Illusive Woman, what does she say? What does she sanction?"

Miranda audibly swallowed, Shepard's face was mere inches from her own. Something within her was stirring, a primitive ancient emotion she had never quite accessed before. It was bubbling at the bottom of her stomach, making its way through her veins in a desperate attempt to overtake her.

"I can't-" She paused to lick her lips nervously, "It doesn't work like that. I follow orders to better humanity's future. Would I have conducted those experiments on my own? Of course not, no. But if something similar happened and it could dictate the future of humanity I would do whatever the Illusive Man ordered-"

"Bullshit!" Shepard practically roared as she slammed her hand down on the desk.

Miranda didn't flinch, but her heart was pounding furiously in her chest. This was infinitely worse than any altercation they had had previously. She could feel her emotions slipping away, her resolve wearing down. For weeks Shepard had steadily been chipping away at Miranda's loyalty to her organization, and now she had finally brought out the sledgehammer.

The Perfect Woman tried desperately to hold on to another human's beliefs. She couldn't let go of the person all those people in her past had made her. The moment she did she'd have to be somebody all on her own. She would have responsibility for her actions, for her doubts, her mistakes, her successes. Miranda would have to own every aspect of her life, make new orders to follow.

**_Just stop making me feel so bloody guilty._**

In that moment Miranda Lawson was undoubtedly secure in the fact she hated Commander Shepard with a passion.

"You wouldn't, Miranda. You would stand up to him, you would say no, just like I would."

Shepard smiled then, and Miranda realized with a twinge of horror that the woman looked almost smug. As if for weeks she had been trying to prove a point and had finally succeeded.

She stood up from the desk suddenly, and the two faced each other down, Miranda glaring in defensive anger and Shepard smirking arrogantly.

"You have no idea what I would do, Shepard. You know nothing about me."

The words flew out of her XO's mouth like venom, but Shepard remained undaunted, "I know the important things. I know you would say no because you couldn't do those 'tests', any of them. You could never hurt a child like that."

Miranda's stomach began performing its nervous little flips again. How dare she assume she would know how Miranda would react when she herself had no idea? Where did this sudden confidence come from? Where the hell did Shepard get off having so much faith in her?

"You don't know that," Miranda finally sighed out in a barely audible whisper.

"I do," Shepard reassured her while walking around the desk so she was standing directly in front of the other woman.

Miranda flinched slightly as Shepard collected her hands in hers, before being overcome with the desperate wish that her damn suit wasn't covering her fingers as the idea of having her naked palm flush against her commanding officer's was suddenly overwhelmingly enticing.

As soon as the thought broke into her mind, Miranda frantically tried to force it out. Something unforeseen was happening on her mission, something operative Lawson was quickly realizing she didn't have any sort of control over. Those tiny flips her stomach had been doing that she had equated to nervousness abruptly revealed themselves as shockwaves of anticipation, shot into her very core.

All at once, realization struck Miranda like a bolt of lightning, and the unforeseen transformed into the inevitable as Shepard rested their foreheads together lightly.

**_Just don't say anything that will force me to love you._**

"Because you're a good person, Miri."

Their lips collided in a passionate frenzy, completely out of Miranda's control.


	2. Chapter 2

Hi guys! There is technically 'sex' in this chapter, though not really. I wanted more emotion than the actual physical act. Sorry if I disappointed with lack of description, I just am not comfortable with doing stuff that is too heavy as this is my debut. I prefer the more realistic awkward/joking/fun side of sex so I apologize if it has been poorly done. Speaking of which, the humor is going to be more prevalent after this chapter so if you don't like goofy fun this should probably be your last chapter haha. Thanks for stopping by!

* * *

"I need to go talk to Jack."

That was it. That was all she had said. As soon as they had broken apart in a desperate bid for air, those were the first words out of Shepard's mouth.

And with that a seed had been planted deep in Miranda's gut, something she would later realize had been steadily growing since the moment they had met. Shepard should go down to engineering, yes. She should help Jack sort out her issues instead of leaving the woman to stew in her own bitterness, as Jack would undoubtedly play a pivotal role in their mission. It was the most logical course of action for the commander to take, and yet…

**_Jealousy doesn't look good on you._**

Oh, but It wasn't fair to make Miranda this way and just _leave. _There was no way she would stand for this insolence. Shepard couldn't just take whatever the hell she wanted and run away with it. Miranda may be widely despised but she was still a _person_ goddamn it. No way in hell was she going to let this go.

"Don't you move from that spot, Ms. Lawson."

**_Okay_**

And then she was alone in her cabin, faced flushed, heart pounding, body trembling. Would she have even been able to move?

For the first thirty seconds or so she did follow orders like any good XO would, before realizing how utterly stupid that was and relaxing a bit. It was one kiss. She had done plenty of kissing in her life, most likely more so than Shepard had.

**_It didn't feel like it though._**

Miranda stood behind her desk for a moment before deciding it would be best to sit back down behind the computer. She felt comfortable there; it is where she always had been whenever Shepard came in for a talk. It was their norm. Perhaps, it would even help her regain a hold on the situation.

Although, it wouldn't do to seem…disinterested_._ She didn't want Shepard to return to find her acting as though nothing had happened. Something had most definitely happened. What if Shepard had just made a mistake in her frustration and would want to use Miranda's supposed indifference as an excuse to not discuss it?

**_Or to do it again?_**

Sitting behind the desk was not an option. She stood up to make her way over to the edge of the bed, where she sat once again. Here, she would be the first thing Shepard saw when she walked into the room. Not in an overbearing way though, distant and relaxed. If she had been feeling any doubts or unease, it would help the commander feel calm once more. Not at all like Miranda, who was actually starting to feel a bit queasy. There would probably be time to throw up before Shepard got back, right? After all, Jack had plenty of issues to work through.

**_With Shepard._**

**_Alone._**

**_Below decks._**

**_Everyday._**

It didn't take long for that hot feeling in her gut to begin itching through her skin once more.

**_Jealousy REALLY doesn't look good on you._**

That was when it suddenly struck her that sitting on the bed was incredibly suggestive. Miranda Lawson: Ready and Willing. That would be the first thing the commander would see. What if Shepard just jumped Miranda like she was some mindless slut in her personal space harem? And oh god, what if she didn't? What if she backed out of the room and they never spoke privately again?

Miranda jumped to her feet.

**_The couch._**

People were always sitting on couches, weren't they? Perfectly natural.

Miranda made the short journey to the couch in record time, and tried her best to look like she had been casually lounging there since the beginning. It wasn't long however before she got the urgent need to look at the ship feed on her terminal. Jack was practically insane, how much was there to talk about? What could they possibly discussing?

**_It's not like you haven't kept an eye on everyone before, surveillance is part of your job._**

So why had the thought suddenly make her feel so guilty?

Despite her best efforts, Miranda's eyes periodically flickered to the screen against her will. It didn't take long before she found herself walking over behind the desk, stopping just before she reached the chair. This was ridiculous, if she couldn't trust Shepard now, then what was she even bothering to wait around for?

Fortunately for her sanity, the commander chose then to make her reappearance.

Unfortunately for her pride, the commander chose _then_ to make her reappearance.

"Christ, Miranda!" Shepard exclaimed with a grin. "When I said not to move I didn't mean it quite so literally."

Miranda's face flushed, as she wondered just how the situation had gotten so far away from her. Sex didn't make her blush. Kisses didn't immobilize her. She had slept with more men than she cared to remember, some by choice, more for the sake of missions that called for it. Seduction wasn't a foreign concept. She had skill and confidence to spare when it came to the bedroom, she just could seem to remember any of that too well at the moment.

"Miranda, relax," Shepard sighed out quietly. "You know I was just teasing you."

**_Like always._**

The commander seemed at a loss for words, and Miranda stepped closer to her. The two woman seemed to size each other up for a moment, each waiting for the other to crack. Somebody had to admit something first, either affirm or deny what had happened between them not an hour earlier.

It was Shepard who finally ended the stalemate, just as Miranda knew it would be, "Look, I'm sorry if-"

And as she stared speaking, Miranda knew something else. In fact, she was certain of it. Shepard would apologize for being presumptuous in kissing her XO, even if they were both quite aware it had been a joint effort. Miranda would accept the apology, and Shepard would try and find out in the most irritatingly roundabout way possible if anything else of that nature was likely to happen again. Because Miranda was a bloody idiot, she would mess everything up.

She knew herself too well. Miranda would say something that would turn Shepard away from her. It would be a cold, or haughty, or 'bitchy' remark, not because Miranda was cold, or haughty, or bitchy, but because that was the only way she ever knew. That's how she existed, the only way she had survived men, treachery, and abuse.

It was no secret she just wasn't like Shepard, her past had affected her. She was damaged by it, hurt. And that's why she knew that if she let herself respond to the apology that the commander was about to utter, she would never forgive herself. Miranda wasn't sure if Shepard was just stressed and needed a distraction, or if the commander was only after the one thing every man she had met seemed to be, but she threw herself towards the woman despite those uncertainties.

This wasn't going to be something she pushed away with cold disinterest. This wasn't going to end with her saying just the right thing to send their relationship ten steps back. This was something Miranda needed. This was important, she could _feel_ it.

It was annoying how unfazed Shepard appeared after their second kiss, despite the fact it had so clearly been passionately initiated by Miranda. The commander was merely grinning wildly, as if this had always been the only possible outcome from their earlier confrontation.

That only drove the now slightly irritated Miranda to try again, more forcefully. It certainly got at least some sort of reaction as Shepard's mouth finally began to move against hers and her arms trailed up to rest around Miranda's waist.

Miranda waited just a few more moments before slowly moving forward in an effort to guide Shepard towards the bed with their lips still moving together so perfectly. As the back of the commander's legs bumped against the footboard she pulled away from Miranda in surprise, clearly not having realized they had moved at all.

"Miranda, are you sure-"

She was cut off again, as her hesitation had sent Miranda spiraling into a panic. If she was given a moment to rationally think about this, she might stop. That wasn't an option.

They collapsed onto the bed, Shepard laughing while Miranda relished the feeling of how their bodies seemed to melt into one another as she lay atop her commander.

"You've got to stop cutting me off, Ms. Lawson."

The tone was formal and cold, but the mirth in her eyes gave way to Shepard's playful intentions before she closed the gap between their mouths once again. The kiss was as intense as their first, though this one had the added excitement of clothes being ripped off and strewn every which way.

It wasn't until a very naked Miranda Lawson was on top of a very naked Jane Shepard that she realized she was at a loss. She had never been with another woman before. She had never even thought about it. It's not that she didn't know what to do, she just didn't know what to _do._

Seemingly aware at just why the woman above her was hesitating, Shepard bit back a laugh as she put her hands on Miranda's hips to gently pull them into a slow forward roll.

**_Oh._**

Shepard guided her down again, only more forcefully this time and added a forward thrust of her own.

**_OH. _**


	3. Chapter 3

**_Shit. Shit. Shit. _**

"Operative Lawson, the Illusive Man would like to speak with you in the debriefing room."

**_Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit._**

"He asked me to deliver the message, 'as soon as possible'."

**_SHIT. SHIT. SHIT. SHIT. SHIT._**

"Thank you, EDI."

"Logging you out."

Miranda had awoken the next morning to that exchange, and a disappointingly empty bed. Shepard was nowhere to be seen, and now she had to deal with the shitstorm that would be sure to follow.

**_Alone._**

Obviously Shepard had left to benefit them both. It wouldn't do to have one of the crew see something and open up the floodgates of petty gossip. They both had to command a certain level of respect for this mission to be a success. That didn't mean Miranda had to like it.

She didn't feel like she could handle any of this. Her day now involved getting up, getting dressed, getting yelled at, getting reassigned or possibly fired, and probably having to say goodbye to Shepard because the all powerful Illusive Man wanted it to be so.

There was no way to stop it, it was bound to happen.

**_Just like last night._**

Miranda couldn't imagine herself regretting any of it. Even if she found herself unemployed on Omega this very afternoon, she doubted she would. She would accept the consequences of her actions, and try to keep the emotions of that night alive in her memory for as long as she possibly could.

**_Or you could just lie._**

No, that was out of the question. She had never lied to the Illusive Man before. He had defended her and her sister when she needed somebody most. He still defended them, every day. There was a bond between them, wasn't there? Some sort of trust. Cerberus takes care of the Lawson twins, and Miranda takes care of Cerberus, the unspoken arrangement. There was no way she could defile all of that for a quick tryst between the sheets. She wouldn't be seeing Shepard in that way ever again, and she would just have to learn to deal with that like the professional she was.

**_I should totally lie._**

Oh it was hopeless. It took her so long to notice anything was amiss, and then after a day suddenly there was nothing without Shepard. Where had this sudden overwhelming sense of loyalty to the commander come from anyhow? For a moment, Miranda blamed it on the fact that when you had virtually nobody, the few you felt you did became central in your life. No, it couldn't have been that she had formed such a strong attachment already, right? Most likely she was still just in a state of euphoria from the previous night, that was all. Right?

**_Right._**

* * *

The walk to the elevator was quiet, as the majority of the crew was still lost in sleep. Only Mess Sergeant Gardner was awake and working, hurrying to get all of the proper breakfast dishes prepared for the many different species aboard the ship before his first hungry customer arrived.

Miranda passed by him without a word, too caught up in her own emotions to be civil. There was too much pressure riding on this moment. If she didn't get her story just right, her lie could all too easily be exposed. Not only was there the damming video footage from the surveillance cameras to think of, but every dialogue they had ever shared was collected as well. Her story would have to weave into this evidence seamlessly.

Oh, how she would rather being doing anything else in this universe.

The only comfort Miranda could find in that moment was that she knew if she went up to the captain's cabin and requested it, Shepard would be taking this walk of shame with her. Hell, the woman would probably go in her stead if she asked. That fact is what gave her the drive to go on alone. This was something worth protecting.

There was only one lie that was believable enough to get the Illusive Man to lose interest in whatever was growing between the two women, and it involved a bit of smudging around Shepard's near perfect reputation. Miranda chewed on her bottom lip as she formed the words in her head in front of the elevator.

She'd have to say that on and in between missions, Shepard had been putting forth quite a lot of energy in an effort to pursue her XO. It had been becoming an unnecessary distraction, and appeared to be only a physical attraction. As such, Miranda deemed that giving in would refocus Shepard on the goal of the mission, and even perhaps soften her views towards Cerberus as a whole. The benefits far outweighed the risks.

**_Especially for you. _**

She would say it in her usual calculating way, just another of the many evaluations Miranda was required to pass along about the commander.

She would say it so that it was the only possible truth about the situation the Illusive Man could ever accept.

* * *

Miranda stepped off the elevator into the mess hall feeling bitter and dirty. The Illusive Man had believed her, had even commended her actions, and she was free to remain on this assignment. Everything had gone exactly as she had intended, and yet she had had to say things about Shepard that weren't true. Things she never wanted to say. She had lied to the one man in her life who had yet to do her wrong. She felt slimy and disgusting.

She was also absolutely ravenous.

It was a hollow victory, but at least she could grab some food in peace as it was still early enough that nobody but the usually nighttime skeleton crew would be up and about.

**_Or not._**

Miranda had rounded the corner to find Garrus and Tali very much awake, and deep in conversation. Only Tali looked up at her, and when their eyes met, she quickly glanced away. Unperturbed by the act, Miranda silently moved to pick up a plate from Gardner. Though it wasn't as quiet as she liked, Miranda was hungry enough to stay. Besides, it was common knowledge aboard the Normandy how close Shepard and Garrus were. Perhaps it wouldn't kill her to make a bit of an effort.

**_From the other end of the table, of course._**

"So what do you think?" Garrus continued, not giving Miranda so much as a glance as she sat down.

"Garrus…" Tali murmured quietly, clearly uncomfortable.

"Oh, just answer the question," he urged.

The quarian glanced away from the table, ashamed. Finally she whispered, "Miranda."

Miranda's eyes shot to the pair, but otherwise she made no indication she had heard her name. No way was she playing whatever game Garrus was offering.

"Really?" He answered, clearly disbelieving.

Before Tali could respond, they were interrupted by the low drone of the elevator making its descent. Soon, they were all graced with Shepard's presence, hair mussed from sleep, eyes hazy and unfocused.

"Shepard!" Garrus exclaimed suddenly, Tali jumping in her seat at the outburst, "We could use your input."

"On what?" Shepard questioned cautiously. She didn't quite like the mischievous glint in Garrus' eye.

"Who would win in a biotics battle royal, Jack or Miranda?"

Miranda resisted the urge to roll her eyes, she should have known. At least she knew that Shepard wouldn't play along with this moronic form of entertainment. There was no way she'd answer while Miranda herself was sitting not ten feet from where she stood.

**_Everyone knows I'd win anyhow._**

"Jack," Shepard responded without skipping a beat.

**_Ah._**

"Assuming we're talking about a crime of passion here. You know, Jack jumping Miranda in a dark alley or something. In a proper duel where everyone is prepared, Miranda hands down. Jack isn't much of a tactics kind of girl."

Miranda felt a stupid surge of pride flood through her. It wasn't something she was insecure about, but it was nice to know Shepard had confidence in her combat abilities.

Miranda sat up a little straighter in her chair.

"Of course Samara could whip both of their asses."

Miranda sunk down in her chair.


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Something I just pumped out before bed because I forgot all about this, so I am sorry if it is rough sounding and has more mistakes than usual. I apologize for the wait; it has just been a…rough couple of weeks. Ah well, we live and we learn, eh? Let's all just be good to each other and have a good time while we are at it :)

Psssst- If you don't know what Miranda did to piss off Ori then check out the lair of the shadow broker dlc. Tis good, cute fun!

* * *

In the days that followed, life aboard the Normandy was abnormally peaceful considering the daunting task that lay ahead of the crew. Tali and Legion had appeared to work out their differences, and Jack seemed to be staying clear of Miranda for the time being. It was an uneasy tranquility hovering through the air, but stable enough to last them through the end of the mission.

As for Miranda, the time in between missions had become an odd blend of agitation and exhilaration. It was an unusual dance, this new found affiliation with Shepard. At first, the woman had been her usual pushy and incessantly demanding self. She appeared incapable of comprehending the heavy workload The Illusive Man entrusted Miranda with on a daily basis. It wasn't until she had finally snapped, that Shepard seemed to understand that no, Miranda did not have a minute.

And so it came to pass, after Miranda had resorted to an angry tirade of colorful words, that Shepard finally stopped talking. The day Shepard walked into her office and sat on her bed with nothing but a quiet "hello", was a triumphant one indeed. They quickly fell into a silent arrangement from then on. Miranda was able to work on her obligatory post mission reports in peace, as well as to complete some extra work for The Illusive Man on the side. It was nothing major, just some reviewing of her old subordinate's own write-ups here and there, or the occasional correspondence with a few uncertain Cerberus scientists. They weren't grand acts of selflessness, merely small steps at easing the gnawing guilt that had begun to eat away at her since she had lied to The Illusive Man.

For her part, Shepard had taken to lounging about on the cabin's couch or bed each evening or even while on route to wherever the next mission was taking them. Often, she would be flipping through one of the many old style books her XO kept about the room, finding herself engaged in anything from the works of Shakespeare to such titles as Enigmas of the Known Universe: The Human Body and Biotic Energy. If Miranda wasn't going to give out information willingly, then she would devour every bit of the woman she could find in the room around her.

Though she would hardly ever say it aloud, Shepard's soundless presence had become a daily comfort for Miranda. Sitting at her desk became more a soothing event than a dreary task, the sound of actual pages turning a calming reminder of a human bond. That, coupled with the promise of the more physically intimate bonding that was to take place come nightfall, had Miranda pumping out reports in record time. It was the sort of routine Miranda knew she should stay far away from, and yet could not help but fall into.

Already, this new domesticity in her life was negatively affecting Miranda. There were some nights, usually after a mission or meeting or some event involving the never ending troubles of the galaxy, when Shepard would return straight to the captain's cabin and not be seen until the next morning. Those nights were the longest. Filled with reluctant concern for the woman, sleep did not come easily to Miranda. Those were also the nights she found herself plagued with the worries and questions of reality.

When had she become so soft, that the rest of the crew noticing Shepard's frequent visits during the night had stopped being a concern? What happened when The Illusive Man caught on to her little ruse? What was Shepard thinking about up there, all on her own? Just how much of their commander were they losing to the Reaper threat?

What if none of this mattered because they were all going to get slaughtered by the Collectors anyway? What if they survived and it STILL didn't matter because she was Miranda Lawson and when did it ever go all right for her? Why should she expect to ever see any of these magnificent, frustrating idiots ever again? What would be left for her when the stress of possible destruction was gone, and Shepard was free to go her own way and be with people she had actually chosen for herself to be around?

What was the point, when victory meant the Cerberus cheerleader returning obediently to her master's side while Shepard moved on to fight the good fight?

* * *

"They're settling in okay?"

Miranda glanced back as Shepard spoke, offering a noncommittal shrug, "We're having a conversation about boy troubles so I would assume so."

"Boy troubles," Shepard repeated slowly in an attempt to remain composed.

"Yes," Miranda responded suspiciously. She turned back towards the screen on her desk, away from the woman who was draped gracelessly across the bed behind her. Shepard's legs dangled off the edge, tapping to an energetic beat only she could hear, while a copy of The Mysterious Hanar: Why You Are More Alike Than You Think, lay long forgotten upon her chest.

"I'm sure she is _very _glad she came to _you_ for relationship advice."

Miranda's eyes narrowed, but she wouldn't give Shepard the victory of turning around and getting defensive. Instead she chose to mutter quietly, "I'm doing perfectly well, thank you."

Actually, she was making a complete ass of herself, but Shepard didn't need to know that. The commander merely snorted in response, and continued staring up at the ceiling of the cabin. Spacing out seemed to have become increasingly more common for her as of late.

Returning to the conversation in front of her, Miranda quickly racked her brain for a way to regain Oriana's favor.

**ML: I didn't mean to make you angry. I only**

**OR: I know sis! I know…I'm sorry. I just hate all this. Being here and you're off doing whatever to save the world or whatever. I just hate it. **

**ML: There isn't a point to saving the world if I can't even talk to my sister. I'm sorry. I am. Now why don't you tell me about this boy?**

* * *

It was just over an hour later when Miranda had said her goodbyes and crawled along the bed to snuggle into Shepard's side with a sigh. Her commander's attention had been on the book once again, but the woman looked up for just a moment to speak.

"Do you think they're in a better place this time? This is going to work?"

Miranda nodded against her chest immediately, "For sure. I trust The Illusive Man's judgment."

Shepard all but snorted, "The same guy who knowingly sent us into a deathtrap?"

"Shepard…"

"Sorry," the commander sighed out heavily, "I know. He's helped you a lot, I know. I get it."

"He's helped you too, you know," Miranda's words would have been soft, if not for the hint of defiance lacing them.

"That was you," Shepard responded instantly.

She felt Miranda's head shake against her, "He gave you to me."

Shepard sighed once again in temporary defeat, knowing this was one of Miranda's rare displays of verbal affection, and not wanting to spoil the moment, said nothing more on the subject. This would be an argument they would be having again, but it could wait.

Instead of pursuing the disagreement further, Shepard nodded toward the book in her hands, "I've been meaning to ask, what is it about these? Do you just like reading from something solid?"

Miranda adjusted herself more comfortably into Shepard, pulling the woman's left hand away from the book to rest it on her own waist instead while she answered indifferently, "It's the smell actually. I guess I'm just used to reading hard copies; it's what I grew up with. I've taken to collecting them now, call it a hobby."

Shepard paused for a moment, as she always did whenever Miranda let slip a detail of her childhood. No matter how inane the comment, Shepard always logged it away in her mind, sure to never forget it because she'd most likely never hear it again. Miranda's past was most likely something she'd never hear a full recounting of, but if the woman let her, she would work the rest of her life to figure the story out piece by infinitesimal piece.

Finally, she sighed out casually, "You sure do have some expensive hobbies."

Miranda raised an eyebrow, "And what's that supposed to mean?"

Her commander laughed as she closed the book with her free hand and tossed it on the bedside table. "It means," she began as she wiggled her arm free to turn on her side and rest her forehead gently against Miranda's, "Gift buying is not going to be too easy on my wallet."

Miranda tried her hardest to smash down the overwhelming feeling that had erupted within her chest when Shepard had so easily uttered words that sounded oh so very…long term.

Panicking, Miranda closed her eyes slowly in feigned tiredness, while she searched her supposedly superior brain for some sort of intelligible response.

"Ah well," Shepard suddenly sighed, saving her from embarrassing herself, "EDI will probably be finished with that Reaper IFF by tomorrow night. I guess I shouldn't be getting too far ahead of myself when I'm on a suicide mission."

Unconsciously, Miranda pulled Shepard closer, closing the distance between them forcefully.

"Hey," Shepard started, somewhat uncomfortably, "that was just a joke, okay?"

**_Not a very good one._**

"I know."

Shepard moved her head up to lightly kiss Miranda's forehead, "Don't worry about it. We're all going to be fine. We're gonna hop in the shuttle and hit Illium tomorrow, get some last minute supplies, and catch a little rest and relaxation. EDI will be all set by the time we get back. From there, it's simple, we swoop in, blow up stuff, swoop out. Just another day."

Miranda, eyes still closed, hummed in agreement.

**_What if you die?_**

Shepard smiled happily at the woman's response, began to settle herself down for sleep, "just try and have a good time tomorrow. I want everyone to get along, and just be able to enjoy each other's company. Sound good? "

**_I'd rather you just let me stay here with you._**

"Yeah, sounds great."


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: Thank you so much for all the kind words everyone. It means a lot. I am sorry if all the plotty stuff feels rushed, but we've all played the games so I figure we all know what's going on. I much prefer focusing on new material and the characters themselves, so that is the goal with this little story. Hopefully I didn't skimp out on mentioning game plot stuff so much it ruins the reading for anyone :)

* * *

**_Ugh, not great. NOT GREAT._**

Miranda sat and watched in silence as the people surrounding her conversed animatedly with one another. She was completely trapped in the booth, sandwiched between Thane and Grunt of all people. Shepard hadn't even made the slightest attempt to rescue her, and kept shooting her warning glances from across the table, clearly annoyed with her lack of effort in socializing.

Only Jack seemed to be having as bad a time as her, and that was just because Shepard hadn't taken them to a 'real bar' like Afterlife. It had taken quite a bit of coaxing from their commander to even get the both of them off of the ship. Shepard had been adamant though, everyone getting off of the ship during what was sure to be their final mission had to attend. It was going to be a quiet day, she had told Miranda, just kind conversation and good friends.

Though she appreciated Shepard's intent, the sideways glares were getting a bit irritating. Miranda couldn't FORCE these people to be friends with her. She didn't even want them to. A completely professional relationship to keep the Normandy running smoothly was all _they_ needed, and Shepard was all _she_ needed, end of story.

As the afternoon droned on, Miranda felt she was beginning to lose some of her sanity. She had just frantically evaded some of Mordin's more…unusual questions about Shepard's reconstruction, and was now waiting for Shepard to realize that instead of using the restroom like he had claimed, Grunt was attempting to get his first taste of alcohol up at the bar. That wasn't going to be pleasant.

Not only had Shepard explicitly ordered no alcohol, as they were still technically on duty, but for some unknown reason the commander refused to treat the Krogan as nothing more than a child. Miranda was quite perplexed by their relationship at times. Somehow Shepard had assumed the role of both battlemaster and a kind of parent. Maybe it was a Krogan thing, and the two weren't strictly segregated to the species.

Perhaps she would do some research later, it never hurt to learn something new.

"Miranda?"

Tali had shyly sidled up next to her in Grunt's vacant seat while Miranda had been lost in her own musings. She looked down at the young Quarian, hoping she wasn't giving off too intimidating of a vibe. It was odd, how much more _aware _she had become since Shepard. In getting to know the commander, she had begun to become more accustomed to the subtle quirks of social interaction.

By no means was she a master, or even at what most would consider an average level, but she was _trying_, and that counted for something right? It was a bit scary though, knowing how she came off, and attempting to figure out how to change her interactions without affecting her character.

Miranda did want to change, yes. She just didn't want to _change._

"What can I do for you?"

Tali's helmet tilted to the side and Miranda could swear she could actually feel the smile hidden underneath the visor.

**_Ah, too formal._**

"I was just wondering if," The young girl paused, clearly nervous, "maybe I could talk to you about stuff."

"Stuff?" Miranda questioned awkwardly, shifting a bit in the booth.

Tali gave an embarrassed giggle, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to bother you."

"No," Miranda cut in quickly, "I just, I feel bad. Whatever it is, I'm, uh, probably not very…good at it."

This time, Tali's laugh was genuine, "Well my choices for girl talk are pretty slim. We've got a monk, a criminal, and Kelly, who while very kind can be somewhat…"

"Forward," Miranda threw in with an annoyed voice without thinking. There was no reason Shepard had to be approached and told _every time _she got an email.

Tail nodded cheerily at Miranda's embarrassment, "I understand if-"

"It's fine, Tali," Miranda said with a sad smile, "I just thought maybe you'd feel more comfortable talking to Shepard."

Tail sighed and looked down at her hands in her lap, "Shepard's part of the problem I think."

Miranda's brow arched involuntarily in interest, this was very new.

"Well, you have my full attention."

"It's just, well," Tali glanced quickly across the table at Shepard and Garrus, who were deep in conversation about some new weapon or other, "What do you think about Garrus?"

**_Ah._**

Miranda had figured this development out weeks ago, and had mentioned it offhandedly to Shepard not long after. Thereafter, the commander made it her personal mission to force the two together by any means necessary, and was doing a terrible job of it too.

**_No finesse._**

Tali looked at the older woman anxiously, clearly rethinking her decision to bring this up at all.

**_Garrus is brash and stubborn. He holds grudges to the point of idiocy and can easily let his emotions make him a liability on the battlefield. _**

That would have been Miranda's answer if she had been asked a few months earlier.

**_Plus he is a total nerd._**

But now, she offered Tali a small smile, "I think he is a good man, and a loyal friend."

She was glad that wasn't a lie.

"What I don't see, is where Shepard fits in."

Tali glanced away once again, self consciousness overtaking her, " I just, they are together so much. And I know Shepard is with," She paused suddenly, clearing her throat, "I know Shepard isn't interested in _that_ way. I just don't know about…him. Sometimes I feel like we might….but then I see them together. He just seems so comfortable with her."

Miranda squirmed a bit in the booth, why did people keep asking her about this stuff? She was probably the least qualified person ever…like in the entire universe…all of it.

This is what came of being with Shepard, she supposed. A woman held in high esteem, a paragon of virtue, if she trusted you, then others would follow.

"Tali," she began after an uncomfortable silence, "they're incredibly close, I think. But, Garrus looks up to Shepard; she's become a sort of mentor to him. He's changed a lot since they've met, in many ways for the better."

She thought about the Illusive Man, everything he had done for her and that strange sort of bond that held them together.

"It's a different form of affection."

Tali nodded slowly, obviously not convinced.

Miranda sighed, "Tali, think about your own feelings for Shepard, I think that will help. You two are very important to her, in many of the same ways." She thought for a moment, "You need to talk to him Tali, not anyone else. And I'd suggest sooner rather than later."

Tali groaned, "I know. I keep just trying to put the whole suicide mission thing out of my head."

It hit Miranda then, how easily Oriana could have been in Tali's place, asking for advice from her big sister. They were probably going to die tomorrow, and this _child_ would be among them. A young girl, praying for her first chance at romance.

**_God, she's only a baby._**

"Grunt!" Shepard was suddenly on her feet, and the conversations at the table, including in the majority of the room, silenced, "that better not be Ryncol in your hand!"

"…No…"

"You put that down right now!"

"…."

"Urdnot Grunt you put that glass down right now and march on over here!"

"NO!"

* * *

When they returned to the Normandy on their over packed shuttle the jovial nature of their outing quickly dissipated. Most of them were stunned into silence at Joker's retelling of the Collector abductions. It seemed unthinkable that their ship, their _home_, would ever be so directly attacked. It was their safe haven, the place they always returned to, and yet it now lay in near ruin.

Shepard demanded they hit back instantly, and EDI was tasked with putting all of her energy into figuring out the IFF as fast as possible. When Joker was ready he set a course for the Omega four relay, and from then on it was merely a waiting game.

The remaining crew went their separate ways, each deep within their own thoughts, mentally preparing themselves for the final mission ahead.

* * *

Miranda stood in front of where Shepard sat in the med bay, arms crossed and a scowl on her face. The small skirmish with Grunt had not ended in the commander's favor and with Chakwas gone...

The damage was thankfully all superficial, but a Krogan head to the face was a bit of a messy cleanup.

Miranda was surprised how calm they both were afterwards. It was as though nothing had happened between them. Somehow, it appeared as though the commander still held Grunt's full respect. Krogans were an odd species indeed, and Shepard was perhaps even odder for having so easily integrated into their society.

"So did you have a good time then?" Shepard questioned with a grimace, obviously trying to lighten the dark mood that was heavy in the air of the nearly vacant Normandy.

The answer came in the form of Miranda's rolling eyes. She didn't respond beyond that as she gently dabbed with a damp cloth at the blood smeared across her commander's forehead.

"So what were you and Tali whispering about in the corner back there?"

Miranda hesitated as she finished her work, sealing the small cuts that peppered Shepard's face with a conservative helping of medigel, "It was…private."

Shepard gave her a curious look, "Private? Even from me?"

"Yes, even from the great and powerful Shepard," Miranda sighed. "You're all set."

As she began cleaning the small mess they had made, Shepard, still seated, grabbed for her arm, "Seriously, private?"

Miranda sighed and gently pulled her arm free from the loose grip, "Yes, for now at least."

Shepard brightened considerably at this, "So you'll tell me later then?"

Suddenly, EDI's voice sounded loudly throughout the room, "I am ready, Commander."

With a slight shake of her head, Miranda sized up the woman before her, the one who got in bar fights with Krogan, pissed off slavers, blew up facilities, and expected to survive an impossible suicide mission.

She leaned forward to press a light kiss on top of Shepard's head, "As long as you promise to give me a later."


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: Haha you don't want to even get me started AstronautZombieBerndi, I feel ya. I'll leave Morrigan alone since she doesn't relate (though I completely agree with you), but I always felt that Miranda should have been romance-able by both versions of Shepard. I don't think Miranda is bisexual, but I've always felt that if every male that had ever played a central role in her life ended up betraying her like a douche, then she would more easily open up to a female Shepard.

Much like how Isabela has a stronger connection to female Hawke than Male Hawke. The whole bit in the DLC with the "have a threesome with us" vs "No, Hawke belongs to me" was a very nice touch. Miranda and Isabela are alike in many ways, so I would have loved to see something similar in Mass Effect. Ah well, at least we've got the fanfiction, eh? :)

* * *

There were about four and a half hours left before they hit their destination when Miranda led the commander down to the empty engine room. Though somewhat confused, Shepard didn't put up a fight, knowing by now Miranda's every move was a carefully calculated one and she should rarely be questioned.

Though she hadn't voiced the feeling to her commander, Miranda had chosen the hard uncomfortable floor over her bed for the singular purpose of privacy. If this was going to be their last time together, she was going to have Shepard completely to herself, no Cerberus surveillance VI's reporting back on their actions.

They sat together on the floor for a few minutes afterwards, sore and aching, but satisfied and content to spend what may be the last hours of their lives in each other's company.

It wasn't long before EDI interrupted their comfortable silence, "Commander, the Illusive Man would like to speak with you in the debriefing room."

Shepard all but groaned, and when she didn't appear to be standing anytime soon, Miranda shot her a sideways glance, "Uh, Shepard?"

"Mmm?"

Miranda shook her head, "You shouldn't antagonize him."

"He shouldn't try to get us killed so often. He's probably just pissy because I launched the mission without consulting him first," She said with a shrug.

Though she didn't respond, Shepard could feel the annoyance radiating off of Miranda. Before she could mend the situation EDI had returned, "Commander-"

"Alright I'm coming!"

* * *

And so Miranda found herself sitting at her desk, staring at an empty correspondence with Oriana, wondering if it was better to write a heartfelt goodbye or to merely disappear into nothing. She knew the respectful answer of course, but she was hesitant to send a message her sister might answer. She wouldn't be able to handle a conversation. It was odd, going into this mission with this new obligation to other people.

Garrus had a family, Grunt had a clan, and Tali had an entire flotilla. Her meager couple of women might seem inconsequential to people like them, but for the first time in her existence, there were actual living beings who would mourn the loss of her life. The responsibility of staying alive for the sake of anyone but herself was a foreign one, and it was actually making Miranda nervous.

Funny, just a few years ago she had so willingly signed up for what she had legitimately believed would be her last job.

That was where Shepard found her some ten minutes later, fingers hovering over the keys of her terminal, but unable to move.

"Hey, you okay?"

Miranda let out a bitter laugh in return, "I couldn't tell you."

Accepting the answer, Shepard headed towards the bed and gracelessly flung her body upon it. Miranda swiveled her chair around to face her, "So what happened?"

Shepard shrugged, "It was weird, that's for sure."

"Weird?" Miranda inquired apprehensively. She had never revealed what she had told the Illusive Man about their relationship, and since then had been waiting for it to somehow resurface and bite her in the ass.

"He was quite…civil. Said he appreciated our work. I mean, he still made me feel more like a weapon than a person, but it's a start."

Miranda nodded, an almost smug expression on her face.

"Of course he was probably trying to mend some bridges after our last blowout."

"Or maybe he meant it and was honestly wishing you luck," Miranda challenged easily.

Shepard groaned, "What is with you and this guy? He's a major asshole, Miranda." She lifted her head from the bed to look at her while patting the empty space beside herself, "Come here."

Still seated, Miranda shook her head defiantly, "It's fine if you don't like him, Shepard, but stop trying to drag me over to your point of view."

Shepard sat up, her motion propelled by her agitation, "How can you still be on his side? Okay, so let's just put away the knowledge that he sent us into a known trap unprepared, and think about all of the shit he was trying to pull before? Do you know how many times I ran into Cerberus units engaged in some pretty shady stuff while I was tracking down Saren? What about everything with Jack? Yeah, he didn't sanction it, but those are the kinds of people he attracts, and when push comes to shove those methods are the kind Cerberus stands for."

"Just stop it, Shepard!" Miranda stood up as she spoke, "Stop acting like I don't understand and you're saving my soul from this great evil. I'm an adult with my own opinions and my own beliefs, and I don't need any lectures from you."

The commander was silent for a moment, and then shook her head, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean for it to sound like that." She couldn't meet Miranda's now rapidly softening glare.

"I know, Shepard," Miranda moved to stand in front of her, crossing her arms protectively in front of her chest. "It's not just that he helped me get away from my father, it's Oriana. He's done so much to protect her."

Shepard's focus remained set on the floor, "Yeah, to win you over."

"Shepard…" Miranda sighed. She had always been aware of this, but the fact had never quite bothered her before. He had made a promise and he had kept it, what did it matter if it was in his best interest? In the world she had been exposed to, nothing came for free. Everybody was out for whatever they could grab.

**_Except Shepard helped without expecting anything in return._**

"Listen, I know what you mean, and I believe that too. I think he goes deeper than that, though. Shepard, hiding Oriana in the first place got me on board, yes, but I was never in direct contact with her before you helped me on Illium. Everything I got, reports, updates, they were through a third party. The Illusive man knows about every piece of information that crosses my desk. He can alter it in a million ways if he so chooses. What reason did he have to let me even see the message that something was amiss? And after that, he let me take our ship and resources, endangering both of our lives, to figure out what was going on."

**_Except he didn't seem a hundred percent pleased with that._**

Shepard sighed, the black cloud of defeat once again closing in. There was just no winning with Miranda Lawson.

"Alright, I'm sorry, I'll shut up about it. I just don't trust him, and I want you to be careful. This is the last you'll hear about him from me."

Somehow, Miranda very much doubted that, but she nodded nevertheless. She had gotten her way this round, but somewhere deep down, she was aware that the seed of doubt that had been planted the moment EDI had revealed the Turian signal was a fake, was still thriving and beginning to grow. ****

Once again, Shepard patted the empty space beside her, "Now will you please come lay down with me?"

Miranda bit her lip in frustration, as the offer was quite tempting, "We don't have a lot of time left, Shepard, I don't think we should-"

"I just want to talk to you, you insatiable freak."

* * *

"So, that's a 'no' then?"

"Yes."

"Yes?"

"No, 'yes' to the 'no',"

"Oh come on, Miranda. Please?"

"Knock it off, Shepard. Why do you even care?"

"Because, it's important to me."

"You have much more important things to worry about."

"Nope, you're at the top of my list."

"Oh god, that's disgusting."

"What? Having feelings?"

"Just leave me alone."

"No, it's just a simple date, Miranda. Just tell me, please. Or at the very least, tell me _why_ you won't tell me."

Miranda dug her face into Shepard's neck, wishing she could disappear. It had been so much easier to deal with the commander back when they would both just yell at one another and exchange dirty looks. She didn't want to talk about herself; she didn't want to trade stories and share secrets. This was all getting way too…emotional.

The reason she wouldn't tell Shepard her birthday is because she didn't have a birthday. Miranda was on her way into her teens before she even realized it was a thing other people celebrated. Sure, one day she had been "born", but it wasn't one her father had discussed with her. She didn't have a mother; her beginning had been in the bottom of a Petri dish. That wasn't a thing that bothered her, it was a fact, it was fine.

And yet, the moment she relayed the information to Shepard, it would become a _thing_. Poor Miranda, she grew up without any birthday parties. She didn't want to be - couldn't stand to be – something Shepard was trying to fix. Miranda needed to be her equal, different yes, but not someone to be pitied.

She was hurt, but she wasn't yet completely broken.

"Later," She finally whispered.

"Hmm," Shepard breathed. "You're making quite a few promises like that these days. How do I know your word is good?"

Miranda merely lifted her head to offer an icy glare in return.

"Okay, okay," Shepard said with a laugh, "I trust you. Just remember I'm holding you to it."

Before Miranda could respond, EDI's voice could be heard in every room of the ship, "ETA is 20 minutes."

They lay still in the bed for a moment, breathless, before standing in silence to face each other.

"Time to suit up," Shepard said with a grin, and turned to make for her cabin.

"Shepard," Miranda started, and Shepard glanced at her expectantly. "See you on the other side," She offered lamely.

Shepard laughed as she passed through the door, "Whatever you say, Miranda."


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: I think much faster than I can type, and this often leads to many a typo such as "bothe" instead of "both" and the like. It also leads to my fingers choosing the shortest version of a word based only on sound, like "beans" instead of "beings". And so I present you with my favorite pre-submission typo of the last chapter: "…but for the first time in her existence, there were actual living beans who would mourn the loss of her life."

Yes, finally Miranda has gotten what she has always wanted in life, two whole beans. That, dear children, is the greatest gift of all.

Thank you everyone for all of your support, I hope you are all having as much fun with this as I am :)

* * *

The air aboard the Normandy was heavy with nervous energy after the less than graceful landing they had made on the Collector's base. Everyone except Joker gathered together in the debriefing room to work out some sort of a plan with the intelligence EDI had managed to assemble.

Miranda watched silently as Shepard leaned over the table, head bowed, deep in thought. She appeared conflicted, an almost pained expression flickering across her features. Her XO knew why immediately, it was obvious who was best suited for the dangerous task.

**_Of course Jacob had to go and say 'suicide'._**

Finally, their commander looked up with a sigh, "We need someone with tech skills to hack that security system." She hesitated for a moment, and then, "Tali, you're up."

The young Quarian nodded, and stood a bit taller, "I won't let you down."

Shepard appeared to contemplate this for a moment, and then returned the gesture, "The rest of us will break into two teams and fight down each passage. That should draw the Collector's attention away from what you're doing."

Suddenly, Miranda was by her side, "I'll lead the second fire team Shepard, we'll meet up with you on the other side of the doors."

Before Shepard could respond, Jack was already leaning over the table aggressively, "Not so fast, Cheerleader. Nobody wants to take orders from you."

"This isn't a popularity contest, lives are at stake," Miranda shot back quickly before turning towards the commander, "Shepard, you need somebody who could command loyalty through experience."

For her part, Shepard was fighting the urge to roll her eyes, these two were ridiculous. It was a bit outrageous that facing down the Collectors was less hazardous than standing in between the pair of them.

She had started the day planning to keep Miranda as close as possible, but as always, the odds were not in their favor. She was by far the best suited for the task, and on a mission like this there was no room for cutting corners to spare feelings, "Okay, Miranda, the job's yours."

Jack scoffed as she pushed away from the table, "Figures."

Though she hated to irritate Jack, Shepard could trust Miranda to get her people out safe.

* * *

Just a few minutes later they were finally filing out of the Normandy, one by one. Shepard had to jog a bit to catch up with Miranda, as she was keeping her distance from the commander as usual. She had made it quite clear that despite their new situation, she would be paying Shepard no favoritism in public. Only once had Shepard taken a step towards the woman that was apparently one too close, before immediately being warded off with a warning glare.

Now though was the time for breaking boundaries, and the commander found herself stepping up to her XO cheerfully.

"Don't forget, I want to hear about Tali," She whispered.

Miranda shot her a fierce look, completely exasperated, "Are you kidding me?"

"I never kid," was the only response she received. Miranda watched in disbelief as Shepard strutted off to collect Garrus and Grunt while humming something that sounded suspiciously like 'Happy Birthday'.

"Would you focus?"

* * *

Shepard slung her arm around Tali's shoulders comfortingly as they all watched Mordin depart back for the Normandy with the survivors they had freed. She still seemed pretty shaken up from her little ordeal, and the commander clearly felt responsible for her discomfort.

"Okay, so we're going to have to take the smaller team in the biotic shield. That mean's Garrus and Grunt, you're with me again."

Miranda looked at her expectantly, but Shepard didn't meet her eyes as she continued, "You'll be holding the field, Samara. Grunt and I will plow through the husks to make a path, and Garrus will cover your rear."

If she was bothered, Miranda didn't show it. Samara stood behind the commander with Garrus and Grunt while everyone else gathered together.

"Miranda, you're in charge," Shepard said while she slide her arm off of Tali's shoulders and gave her a playful shove towards the others. "Make sure they don't get themselves killed."

"Yes, Commander."

* * *

Of course it was the last stray bullet speeding past the closing door that had managed to hit Miranda. She stumbled back a few steps in surprise, but quickly regained her balance. Shepard reached out for her but she turned away hurriedly, "I'm fine, Commander."

Shepard gave her a hard look, and then reached up for her earpiece, clearly anxious, "Joker, are you at the rendezvous point?"

"I'm here, Commander," Came the fuzzy reply, "Chakwas and the rest of the crew just showed up."

"Mordin's crew just arrived, Shepard," EDI chimed in, "No casualties."

Shepard let out a heavy sigh of relief, and Miranda offered her a small smile, "Excellent, now let's make it count. EDI, what's our next step?"

* * *

Shepard was allowing them a short breather before making off for the control console. Just a minute for them to gather their wits and apply some medi-gel to whatever scrapes and bruises they had accumulated along the way.

She wandered over to Miranda, who was off to the side, clearly deep in thought, "Not too shabby, eh?"

Miranda glanced at the others quickly to make sure nobody could overhear them, "Now's not the time to get cocky, Shepard."

"I'm not," Shepard assured her, "I'm just ready for this to be over. This place is an abomination, it feels wrong to even be here."

Miranda nodded, "I know what you mean, to think there is a species in the universe capable of this…The sooner we set it to blow and get out of here the better. We should get moving, what have you decided?"

"Garrus is going to lead those who stay behind. They'll dig in here to hold the door," She paused, "I want to take Tali with me. I'm worried about her."

Miranda nodded, she would be a hypocrite if she accused Shepard of being an overprotective big sister.

"And you, if you have no objections," she continued, shooting a sideways glace, "I want to finish this with you."

"Of course, Commander."

* * *

"They liquefied them, turned them into something horrible, we have to destroy the base," Shepard sounded more exasperated than angry as she spoke, clearly having difficulties comprehending how this was even up for debate.

"Don't be so shortsighted; our best chance against the Reapers is to turn their resources against them," The Illusive Man countered, "They were working directly with the Collectors, who knows what information is buried there. This is a gift, we can't just destroy it."

Miranda began to nervously chew on her lip, he had a point right? She had been watching with Tali in silence as the flickering image of the Illusive Man paced about in front of them, growing steadily more uncomfortable as time passed. Didn't what he was saying make sense? Why did it feel so…wrong?

"You're completely ruthless, the next thing I know you'll be wanting to grow your own reaper," Shepard spat out.

The Illusive Man shook his head, clearly growing impatient, "My goal is to save humanity at any cost, I've never hidden that from you. Imagine how many lives can be saved if we keep this base intact and use its knowledge to thwart the Reapers. Imagine the lives that will be lost if we don't."

Shepard stood up to face him, staring him down with something akin to rage in her eyes, "No matter what kind of technology we might find, it's not worth it."

Miranda's stomach felt uneasy, things were coming to a boil now. Something big was about to happen, she could feel it in her gut, and she wasn't quite sure what it was.

**_Except you are._**

"Shepard, you died fighting for what you believe, I brought you back,"

**_I brought her back._**

"So you could keep fighting."

**_So she could save lives._**

"Some would say what we did to you was going too far, but look what you've accomplished. I didn't discard you because I knew your value. Don't be so quick to discard this facility, think of the potential."

**_But it's wrong,_**

"We'll fight and win without it," Shepard was looking through him now, straight into Miranda's eyes, "I won't let fear compromise who I am."

"Miranda," The Illusive Man turned to face her, wild desperation taking over his usual calm persona, "do not let Shepard destroy the base!"

**_Because if you have to take a life,_**

"Or what," She spoke with more strength than she felt, "you'll replace me?"

**_To save a life,_**

"I gave you an order, Miranda," He spoke steadily as an indescribable fury seemed to be building within him.

**_then life is worthless._**

"I noticed, consider this my resignation," She ended the transmission with trembling hands, and was left with nothing but Shepard standing in front of her, a smug grin gracing her features.

**_Oh, don't be such a jackass._**


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: I have found that there seems to be a lot of unfair hate for Miranda as well, Gossamer de Blood. It is fine for others to dislike her, but I can get picky on their reasoning: aka 'she's a bitch' doesn't cut it for me. Fun fact: my first play through of Mass Effect 2 I _hated _Miranda, but that's because I didn't get her. The next time it just clicked, I got it, and I looooved it. So now I give people the benefit of the doubt and assume that they just don't understand because they are idiots. Haha nah I'm just kidding, we're all entitled to our own opinion, that's what makes the world so interesting.

Pssst If you don't know anything about the Arrival DLC this chapter will make no sense. As always, thanks a lot everyone, it's fantastic to hear feedback from you all.

* * *

Sure, her heart was pounding with a dangerous ferocity, adrenaline was flooding through her every inch, and she had just narrowly avoided plummeting down into the depths of a bottomless chasm, but that didn't stop Commander Shepard from laughing uproariously. Her people were safe, the base was crumbling, and she lay in the arms of Miranda Lawson, who had pulled her aboard the Normandy to safety, just in the nick of time.

"EDI," She called out in between ragged breaths, "tell Joker to get us out of here."

The ten squad mates sat strewn about the floor in silence while Joker made their getaway, feeling a new sense of camaraderie. At first reluctant partners, bloodshed, drama, stress, and just a small hint of fun, had morphed them into hesitant friends. They did not yet realize the lifelong bonds they had formed.

It didn't take long for Miranda to remember herself, and quickly loosen her hold on Shepard. Awkwardly pushing the woman away from where she had been holding her tightly against her chest, Miranda cleared her throat and slid along the floor to create some distance between them.

Shepard bit back a laugh at her actions, and smiled broadly at the rest of her team, "We did it."

* * *

The celebrations of the Normandy crew lasted well into the early hours of the morning. Kelly and Jack were the real trouble makers, Miranda noted with little surprise. It was nothing close to a wild party, merely an overcrowded mess hall with every member of the crew speaking all at once. Chakwas had brought out some drinks for a toast, and Jack had managed to swipe them, both her and Kelly hoarding the bottles for themselves the entire evening. The pair spent most of their time trying to convince EDI to take the helm and let them off at Omega.

It didn't take long for Miranda to grow uncomfortable in the large gathering, and she soon found herself slipping through the crammed bodies and sneaking into her cabin for some peace and quiet. That didn't help in the slightest of course, as the muffled rumbling of idle chatter was still quite prevalent. She sat at her desk and began poking around her terminal, trying to figure out how best to mend the situation she had gotten herself into.

**_The one Shepard got you into._**

Not five minutes had passed before Shepard was standing in her doorway, her eyebrows knit together in concern, "You okay?"

Miranda nodded and quickly waved her in, the noise entering her cabin through the open door was starting to make her head ache.

Shepard caught on and stepped forward so the doors automatically closed behind her, "Sorry, I just wanted to see what you were up to all alone in here."

With a wry smile, Miranda gestured towards the work in front of her, "I've got a lot of damage control to do. There are quite a few cameras on board that need to be taken care of, despite all the ones Mordin destroyed."

A small smile appeared on Shepard's face, she had grown fond of Mordin and his eccentricities. She moved to sit on the edge of the bed, setting herself down gingerly.

Miranda, who had spun her chair around to watch Shepard's movements, fought the urge to roll her eyes, "You don't have to stay in here, Shepard. You should go out with everyone else, don't feel obligated-"

"I know," Shepard cut in, "I don't."

Miranda sighed and turned back towards her terminal to resume working on her plan. She might have to figure out something to do with Oriana and her family. Either the Illusive Man was going to lash out at them in his anger, or he was going to ignore the fact Miranda had ever existed. She hated herself for on some level not knowing which option felt worse.

Pushing away the feelings that were threatening to well up inside of her, she set back to work once again. No matter what, she needed to be prepared. Oriana's family would need a comfortable home, but nothing too ostentatious. A place where they could blend in easily, nothing too foreign or hard to adjust to.

"Can I help with anything?"

Though Shepard couldn't see it, a smile spread across the woman's face. It was nice, knowing that she didn't have to face this alone.

"Not tonight, Shepard," Miranda said smoothly, working hard to hide the emotion that attempted to be heard, "You deserve a break."

Her commander was silent for a moment, and then finally relented, "Okay, if that's what you want."

Miranda continued to work in silence, and when she turned towards the bed not twenty minutes later, she found Shepard passed out on top of the covers, snoring lightly in her exhaustion. She failed at fighting back the affectionate smiled that broke across her face, and moved to the bed. Maybe they both deserved a break.

Between the noise she made while undressing, and when she had to shove Shepard over a bit to be able to fit on the bed herself, Miranda managed to jostle the commander awake.

"Miranda?" her voice was groggy, and her eyes half closed.

"Sorry, Shepard," Miranda offered apologetically as she pulled the covers up over them both and lay down, "go back to sleep."

Shepard's eyes closed again immediately as she blindly felt for Miranda beside her, pulling her close, "I'm proud of you."

Miranda froze, embarrassment washing over her in waves, "Oh my god, Shepard. Knock it off."

"What?"

"Just be quiet. Go to sleep."

"I'm serious."

"Stop making it weird!"

"You are so crazy. I can't even believe it."

* * *

It was only a few days later when it arrived, a mysterious message from Admiral Hackett that Shepard was ordered to take in her cabin. Alone.

Miranda had been worried immediately, but Shepard's silence when she returned from the meeting drove her over the edge. It was an odd feeling, knowing Shepard was deliberately withholding information from her, and it brought back troubling thoughts she had buried away weeks ago.

The mission was over, what happened now?

She was waiting by the terminal in the CIC when Shepard stepped out of the elevator, her eyes unfocused, as if she were lost in thought.

"Shepard," Miranda called to her while taking a step forward.

With a small smile, Shepard greeted her, "Hey, is there something you need?"

Miranda was a bit taken aback, "No, I just…what's going on?"

"Ah," Shepard shrugged nonchalantly, "the Admiral asked for a favor."

"Okay," Miranda pressed, "what's the mission?"

"Just a thing," Shepard answered evasively, "a personal thing."

"Oh," was all Miranda had the strength to say. Already it was happening; already she was trying to pull away, back into the arms of the Alliance.

Shepard gave a quick nod and headed past her towards where Joker sat at the helm, most likely bickering with EDI, to let him know they had a new course to set out on.

Panic coursing through her veins, Miranda couldn't stop herself from calling out at Shepard's retreating form, "Where are we headed?"

"It's a solo mission, Miranda," She responded, waving her hand back dismissively at the woman without turning, "Don't worry about it."

She left Miranda there, standing alone in the CIC, feeling very small.

* * *

Miranda sat at the table in the mess hall, pretending to be deeply engrossed in the data pad in front of her. Her eyes kept flicking up to the windows of the med bay, following Shepard's form as she paced about the room while talking to Hackett. It was rather frustrating that some ancient alliance hack got to learn about what had happened before Miranda did, and though she tried to appear calm, her insides were twisting.

**_I just have this feeling…_**

All Miranda knew was that the mission was secret, Shepard had returned battered and broken, and a relay had been destroyed. None of that could add up to anything good.

Distracted as she was, Miranda hardly noticed Garrus taking the seat beside her.

"Do you know what's going on here?"

"Not quite," She responded flatly without so much as a glance in his direction.

He let out a heavy sigh, "Well whatever it is, I don't think it's a promotion."

* * *

"Hey, sorry if I woke you."

Miranda looked up from her bed through squinted eyes at the woman for just a moment, and offered something akin to a scowl. Shepard had ignored her all day. She had refused to share a word of what had gone on in the mission, and once Miranda had retreated back into her own cabin, she had found out secondhand from EDI that she and Jacob should be ready to be off of the ship by late evening the next day.

If Shepard thought that she could pull a stunt like that and then come waltzing in for a chat at any hour she pleased then she was sorely mistaken.

"Do you mind if I stay down here so we can talk for a bit?" She sounded nervous, as if she were unsure about what she was asking.

**_No, please do._**

"I'm tired, Shepard," Miranda responded simply, forcing herself to sound cold. She hated herself for not meaning it.

The mattress gave a bit as Shepard crawled into bed beside her with a dry chuckle, "I'll keep it brief then."

Miranda was turned towards the edge of the bed, and so Shepard had to settle for staring at her XO's back as she spoke. She inched forward as close as she could be to the woman without actually touching her, all too aware of how dangerous an angry Miranda was.

"Look, I'm sorry about the past few days. I wish I could tell you everything that's going on, Miranda," Shepard's voice was heavy with the weight of this secret, "but I can't."

Pulling the covers up more tightly around her shoulder was the only inclination Miranda gave that she was even still awake, let alone listening.

"I'm not trying to get rid of you guys, but I've been ordered back to Earth. I'll be on trial there, for something-" Shepard's voice cracked a bit, and she took a hard swallow, "something I'm not too proud of. Anyway, I don't think it will go over too smoothly if you and Jacob show up with me. Two Cerberus agents aren't going to be treated like heroes at a military base; you'd be arrested in a second. "

Miranda hesitated a moment, before turning over on her side to face Shepard. They lay like that for awhile, staring at one another in the dark.

As usual, Shepard was the one to break the silence, "Jacob asked to be dropped off on the Citadel, said he can make his way from there. I can let you off there as well if you like, or I thought maybe we could head to wherever Oriana is. I don't have an exact date, so don't worry if it's out of the way, okay?"

Miranda shook her head slowly, trying desperately to remain composed, "The Citadel is fine. Do you think…I mean, is this bad, Shepard? How long is this going to take?"

**_How long will I have to wait?_**

Shepard flashed her a wide grin, while gaining enough courage to slide forward and allowing their bodies to finally meet, "No time at all. It'll probably be a slap on the wrist for running around with a pack of terrorists like you."

It was an obvious lie, forced joviality in the face of trepidation, but Miranda allowed herself to believe it, at least for one night.

**_Your last night._**

As Miranda leaned forward to press her lips against Shepard's, she tried frantically to express physically what she would likely never be able to verbally. Deep down, some irrational part of her thought that just maybe, this would somehow keep her commander close, but she knew it was useless to fight against the inevitable.

Shepard was free now. She may be in trouble with the Alliance at the moment, but it would pass, she was a hero to them. They would send her back out into the vast expanse of the universe with new missions and a new crew, and Miranda would become that long forgotten Cerberus cheerleader, a passing fancy in the midst of emotional turmoil. Already she had forgotten that she still needed the answers to those questions from just a few days earlier, already Miranda was slipping her mind.

As soon as they broke apart, Shepard collected Miranda into her arms, kissing the top of her head lightly, "Goodnight, Miranda."

Less than a day, that might be all the time she had left. Miranda gently chewed her lip as she fought to say everything she would never be able to.

**_Don't leave me._**

**_Don't forget me._**

But she was Miranda Lawson, she didn't do emotional talks. She hid from the feelings of others while denying her own. That was who she was, who she always would be, and not for the first time in her life, she wished desperately that it wasn't.

"Goodnight, Shepard."

**_I love you._**

* * *

A/N: That's all folks! Thank you so much for all of your kind words, I had a blast. I'll admit, it is super tempting to move on to ME 3, but…I dunno, I don't want to milk a good thing… hmm, I suppose I'll sleep on it for now. Farewell my friends :)


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